New Resolve

Have you ever run into something that re-started your commitment to a project?

Well, I just did. My project is me, my body specifically. What did I run into? A little blue line. Yep, one little blue line. Changed my whole perspective.
You see, the problem with that little blue line was that it was not accompanied by another little blue line perpendicular to it. Confused? Let me go back to the beginning....

I woke up this morning, took my temperature, and discovered that it still hadn't shot up, which would signal my ovulation. That was mildly disturbing, because I should be ovulating any day now, and really should have yesterday, the day before, or the day before that. I'd also been having stomach pains, but not nausea. (You may already see where I'm going with this.) Let me make this clear, though: I did not think I was pregnant. I had my full period, and I had ovulated regularly before that. Since I have not ovulated since my period, there isn't really a chance that I could be pregnant, excepting divine intervention. Michael, on the other hand, being a guy and not fully understand all things girly (especially how 'it' works) thought I might be pregnant.

Michael's birthday is tomorrow, and I thought that if, because of divine intervention, I was pregnant, it would be really cool to tell him on his bithday. So the plan was to go to the store on my lunch hour and get a test. First, though, I went lingerie shopping, because I generally wear something new on his birthday. That was a small stumbling block, and started the head-long smack into the lonely little blue line. You see, I found a fabulous full-length nightgown that I knew would make him ... happy. I also opted for the smaller size of the two that I thought would fit because of the weight I had lost. I took it to the fitting room, and it did fit, it just wasn't flattering because of the pounds I still have to lose. My new resolve began to blossom.

I went out to the car, and knew my next stop would be CVS to get a pregnancy test. Then I felt it. A little bubble of excitment. Up until this point I had staunchly denied that I was pregnant, and I wasn't sad about it, having not yet met my weightloss goal. But there it was: I was excited that I might be pregnant. So I got the test, got back to the office, used the test, and there it was: one little horizontal blue line. Not two making a + sign, just the one. Just a -. I was not bitterly dissapointed, because I haven't met my goal, but it was enough to remind me why I'm doing this. It helped to remind me of the time when I will get to tell Michael that God has bestowed us with a miracle. And what I want to look like then, how healthy I want to be then.

So I have new resolve, and about 45 lbs to go.