Update

My diet is not going well. I'm up and down, but not with an overall downward slope. Not really an upward slope either though, so I'll take some heart.

I just hate dieting and I love food. That's my problem. For me, going on a diet is like saying goodbye to an old friend. I'm somewhat of an emotional eater, but not to the point that I see some people. I don't need psychological help for my emotional eating. I eat for three reasons: emotional comfort, hunger, and satiety. Most of the time, I eat for the latter two reasons, and when I eat for emotional comfort, I fully realize that that's what I'm doing and that I know better.

Here's the thing: with most people, eating for hunger and eating for satiety are the same thing. For me, they are not. Eating something that will provide my nutritional requirements and make me feel full doesn't go anywhere near satisfying my need for food. I have a semi-spiritual relationship with food. I love to cook, I love to have other people eat what I cook, and I love to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I just love all things food. I love watching Food Network and learning new ways to handle food. I love buying all kinds of cooking implements to help me handle food. I thrive on the praise I receive from other people for a meal well cooked. I am energized with the challenge of rooting through my pantry and making up new recipes. I'm exhilerated when I go shopping and can find/get wonderful deals on food and then use the things I bought to make delicious meals for my family. Doing all of those things requires the eventual consuming of food. There are not enough ways out there to cook for one person, so I can't make myself and my husband a seperate meal every night. I don't have enough money to order things like Nutrisystem so that I can cut off my relationship with food almost completely. The circumstances of my life and my personal convictions force me to be in contact with food throughout the day. Beyond simply eating, I must plan my meals and those of my husband, which requires a great deal of thought and planning so I can stay within our budget. Dieting almost sabotages itself because of the amount of time you must spend dealing with food. Weighing out portions, juggling calories, fat, protien, and carbs all force you to think about food. The various preperation methods which can add calories or subtract nutrients force you to think about food. Your inevitable hunger makes you think about food.

Where am I going with this? I really don't know. What I do know is that my diet is not going well, and while I know I must stick to it, and keep trying new things if I find what I'm doing isn't working, it's really getting on my nerves.