New Resolve (again)

Ok, so I'm going to try really hard to get back on this thing...again. I don't know why it's so hard for me to stick to dieting and exercise, but it is. All those articles that say you shouldn't consider it to be a diet are just wrong, IMO. If you are eating anything or nothing, no matter what it is, you are on a 'diet'. Everyone is on a diet, whether it be McDonald's for breakfast lunch and dinner, or the most strict vegan diet imaginable. It's still a diet.

Now, I'm sure what they mean is don't consider it a diet in the common sense of the word, which carries with it connotations of deprivation and starvation. Still, this doesn't work for me, because if I can't pity myself just a little, I go overboard without even hesitating, plus I know in the back of my mind that I'm not supposed to be eating whatever bad thing it is, and that, to me, is a diet. So, yes, I AM ON A DIET. Everybody else can call their eating plan whatever they want, mine is a DIET, because that's the only way it works for me.

So about this exercise thing. I hate exercising. It doesn't make me feel good. I don't enjoy the thought of it, actually doing it, or any feeling I happen to have afterward. I never feel energized or 'pumped', and it never seems to get easier. I don't know what is up with that, but as of now it doesn't matter. Just like I don't enjoy eating healthy food (although I do get the touted benefits from that) but I know it's necessary, I don't like exercise, but I know it's necessary, so I will suffer through it.

Finally, I always struggle with the doing this for myself mentality. I also don't know why this is so hard for me, because I know I can be quite selfish at times. Maybe it's because while I know this will benefit me in the long run, I've always struggled with a love of instant gratification. If I think a change should be happening now, I want to see it happen now. If I can have a little time to read or watch TV now and work longer later, or work for a little while now and relax for a long time later, I'd rather relax now and work longer later. It's weird, I know, but it just seems to be the way my brain is wired. I'm also really bad about procrastinating. I would much rather be under pressure to get something done than to start as soon as possible and have it done far before the deadline. I try really hard to not do that, but sometimes I just work better under pressure, so that turns into an excuse. So maybe all together I don't have a problem doing this for me, but doing it for my future self, if that makes sense. I can't see a immediate reward, and I'm not in immediate danger of any medical problems, so I have no incentive or pressure. Ok, sometimes self-analyzation works, so now that I have my problems down in words maybe I can work to change it a little more efficiently that I have been.

So what does all this boil down to? I'm putting a deadline on myself, and I just have to trust that I'll see the rewards eventually.

My deadline: May 1.
My goal: Lose at least 5 lbs, and some inches (I'm not sure what a reasonable goal is for the inches because I've never tracked that before).
My incentive: If I reach my goal I will buy a new outfit for work. :)

Plan: I will eat healthy and I will do some form of exercise for at least 30 minutes every day (except Sunday). I will weigh in every Wednesday and only on Wednesday, and take measurements.